I hate this gnawing feeling inside, the one that makes me feel like I’m riding on a rollercoaster, up and down, or riding down a twisting and winding road. That sinking in the pit of my stomach as it flip flops like a fish on a hook. I hate it. It makes me queasy, uneasy, unable to relax. I have lost enjoyment. Why does life have to be so full of others who find happiness in your demise. I’m not evil, I wish no ill towards others, and I have no pettiness in my soul. So, why do I consistently find myself battling the petty jealousy of others? Why are so many others drawn towards talking about me in nasty tones behind my back? Why can they not have the guts to face me and own their jealous and bitter pettiness? And, more importantly, why do I avoid confrontation at all costs? Am I truly just too nice of a person? Do I care too much? In short, I know I do care too much. But, why can’t I just, for once, put these people in their place? I don’t feel that it’s fear that stops me. Perhaps it’s compassion, or possibly pity. In either case, I no longer feel that it’s healthy to let them believe they’ve gotten the best of me. They certainly haven’t, because they don’t deserve the best of me. I know that I often give too much of myself, but I also know that I reserve just enough. I’ve not ever been given a reason to share more. Truthfully, I have zero expectations of anyone, therefore, I am not ever disappointed. It’s simply sad that people are the way they are. There are so few truly enlightened souls in this world, and so few with true compassion and caring for others. There are plenty who claim to be the latter, but I have witnessed their judging eyes, heard their boastful deceit, and borne their scorn atop my own head. My heart lies heavy, and I am sad for all. Humans truly are the most cruel by nature.